I am always the grumpiest between 1-2am.
I recently worked a 3rd shift, to help out my boss. I don't mind 3rd shift, I mean, I'm usually awake during the majority of those hours anyway, so its not a big deal. What is a big deal, however is the customers. Working in retail, I've met some characters. There's my probably all time favorite, Marvin, who most likely always has a BAC over the legal limit, but its okay. Why? Because he's either always on his little bike, walking or getting a ride. He's a good guy, who likes his beer and $2 crosswords just a little too much. His laugh is seriously infectious. Then, there's the annoying ones, who think, well its 130am, this girl has nothing better to do than stand up at that register and wait for me while I look at every.single.item.in.the.store. TWICE. Contrary to popular belief, I DO have other things to get done, but the second I walk away from that register I know you are finally going to make that life altering decision between the mounds bar and the almond joy and come waltzing up. So I wait. While I wait, I think of all the things I could be doing, the things I could be discussing with my sassy co-worker, and as I think of how I am not doing these things, I am getting angrier and angrier by the millisecond.
So when you come up, and I'm a little short (don't worry, I'm still pleasant enough to not be labeled 'that huge bitch at the gas station') that's why. Please just get your stuff and get the F out.
That's not the only reason I was grumpy, honestly, I am just really ready for our mini vacation to Ohio, and that 3rd shift was pretty much the last working day before we leave.
I realize this isn't witty, or funny, its just a down right rant today. I work retail, its bound to happen eventually, and without a doubt, happen again.
Happy Trails!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Looking for Love
Ever hear the saying "You're looking for love in all the wrong places"? I feel like the universe is telling me I am, because where the hell is love?! I would love to know, dear universe, where I am supposed to look for love, if I'm looking in the wrong places? I mean, maybe I'm 'out of the loop' but where exactly does one look for love? I don't get out much, so my locations to find love are pretty limited. Work, the gym, pre-school and the grocery store. So, let's go ahead and break this on down Barney style....
Work- Pretty slim pickings, most of the customers are either 1. Old, 2. Grumpy 3. Old and Grumpy or 4. Just plain disgusting. Very rarely do we get a fine specimen like Skoal Mint Pouches, Basic Lights (Before he was poor, and got hooked on chocolate covered glazers) or the Man that Debbie Loves, and even when we do, they are not regular customers, and let's face it, they are in love with super models, and will never let us have their babies.
The Gym- The few people I have seen at the gym while I'm there? Super freaky fast, who I know is married, and the rest of the gym goers consist of old men, really hot girls who don't even NEED to be there, or gorillas.
Pre-school- Rebecca has been in school for about a month and a half now, and believe me, I've checked every dad's ring finger that I see....all have a nice shiny little band on them. Boo.
The Grocery Store- This is where is gets iffy. I mean, I guess it's absolutely probable to find love while skimming the produce or picking out a nice pork chop, but how do you even start that conversation? "Wow, I see you picked out a really nice block of cheese, you want to come over, eat it and then fall madly in love with me?"
There is also the whole "It will come when you're not looking for it" "Give it time" Yeah yeah. I don't want to wait, I want love to find me like yesterday. So Universe I say to you...Here I am, send him my way. I'm ready.
And if any of you reading this know him (him being, the love of my life I have yet to meet) don't wait for the universe. Give him my number, email and address.
Work- Pretty slim pickings, most of the customers are either 1. Old, 2. Grumpy 3. Old and Grumpy or 4. Just plain disgusting. Very rarely do we get a fine specimen like Skoal Mint Pouches, Basic Lights (Before he was poor, and got hooked on chocolate covered glazers) or the Man that Debbie Loves, and even when we do, they are not regular customers, and let's face it, they are in love with super models, and will never let us have their babies.
The Gym- The few people I have seen at the gym while I'm there? Super freaky fast, who I know is married, and the rest of the gym goers consist of old men, really hot girls who don't even NEED to be there, or gorillas.
Pre-school- Rebecca has been in school for about a month and a half now, and believe me, I've checked every dad's ring finger that I see....all have a nice shiny little band on them. Boo.
The Grocery Store- This is where is gets iffy. I mean, I guess it's absolutely probable to find love while skimming the produce or picking out a nice pork chop, but how do you even start that conversation? "Wow, I see you picked out a really nice block of cheese, you want to come over, eat it and then fall madly in love with me?"
There is also the whole "It will come when you're not looking for it" "Give it time" Yeah yeah. I don't want to wait, I want love to find me like yesterday. So Universe I say to you...Here I am, send him my way. I'm ready.
And if any of you reading this know him (him being, the love of my life I have yet to meet) don't wait for the universe. Give him my number, email and address.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Coming up with the perfect name.
This is my first blog. Ever. How do people usually start these things?
I'm Heather, I'm a feisty Sagittarius who likes long walks on the beach, I use way more parenthesis than grammatically necessary, and who (in no particular order) loves food, friends, wine and to exaggerate to the extreme.
I've been thinking of writing a blog for a while now, I mean, I'm a terrible writer. I hardly use correct punctuation, and tend to have major run on sentences, but if I keep using my Facebook as a diary, I am probably going to lose 2/3 of my friends due to the random shit that gets posted every ten minutes. I even started making a list of all the things I could write about. (No, I can't give you the list! I have to have something to keep you 3 people reading this to come back to!) The first thing on my list was a name. I needed something awesome, witty and totally me. A friend told me to name it "Love fury" I told him I can't mislead people into thinking this is going to be some deep and insightful blog. It's not. It's going to be filled with lolcats and random stories and thoughts (that are neither deep nor meaningful). Another friend suggested "I'm like that guy on the subway, I know you don't care about my overactive bladder, but I'm still going to tell you about it-and other things" Which, I have to say, fits me perfectly, because if I were to have an overactive bladder, I would absolutely tell you about it. It's just too long. What if this blog becomes hugely famous? Everybody will be like "Did you read the new 'Past Imperfect'?" You won't ever hear somebody say "Did you see the new 'I'm like that guy on the subway....'?" By the time they get to the end of the name, I will have posted a NEW rambling blog, and they will just get confused. I didn't name it that because I know that exact situation will play out if I did. That's just the way the world works.
I read all these blogs written by these smart, beautiful women who write about cooking amazing dishes, cleaning, applying makeup like a movie star....yadda yadda. I've finally started to master rice on the stove, I have to call my mother every trip I make to the grocery store to ask where something is, and even on my best day I still poke myself in the eye with my mascara. I'm far from perfect. Like light years away. I'm a single mom trying to make ends meet and give my daughter the best she deserves. I figure "Past Imperfect" fits. It's also the name of a book I read for about 30 pages until something new caught my eye. It gets great reviews on Amazon, so check it out, I know I (eventually) will.
So going back to my list, I've got it, and I will keep adding to it, and hopefully cover a variety of topics to interest everybody. I also promise to try and keep the F bombs to a minimum, but lets face it, sometimes the story just isn't the same without one. I'm not looking to embarrass any of my friends/family, so I promise to try and get permission, and if they don't give it to me I will change names, dates and locations. (Kidding, mostly. I will keep all your feelings in mind.)
How long are blogs? I'm not trying to write a novel. I mean, character development, and plot twists are beyond me. I'm just trying to brighten some peoples' days and get a few chuckles, hopefully that happens or I will just feel like an utter failure, and have to eat like a gallon of Americone Dream ice cream. So basically, if you like what you've read, keep coming back (please!) and send all your friends over too. I welcome comments, praise, criticism (of the constructive kind) and will never say no to gifts, gummy bears or marriage proposals.
Ciao for now!
I'm Heather, I'm a feisty Sagittarius who likes long walks on the beach, I use way more parenthesis than grammatically necessary, and who (in no particular order) loves food, friends, wine and to exaggerate to the extreme.
I've been thinking of writing a blog for a while now, I mean, I'm a terrible writer. I hardly use correct punctuation, and tend to have major run on sentences, but if I keep using my Facebook as a diary, I am probably going to lose 2/3 of my friends due to the random shit that gets posted every ten minutes. I even started making a list of all the things I could write about. (No, I can't give you the list! I have to have something to keep you 3 people reading this to come back to!) The first thing on my list was a name. I needed something awesome, witty and totally me. A friend told me to name it "Love fury" I told him I can't mislead people into thinking this is going to be some deep and insightful blog. It's not. It's going to be filled with lolcats and random stories and thoughts (that are neither deep nor meaningful). Another friend suggested "I'm like that guy on the subway, I know you don't care about my overactive bladder, but I'm still going to tell you about it-and other things" Which, I have to say, fits me perfectly, because if I were to have an overactive bladder, I would absolutely tell you about it. It's just too long. What if this blog becomes hugely famous? Everybody will be like "Did you read the new 'Past Imperfect'?" You won't ever hear somebody say "Did you see the new 'I'm like that guy on the subway....'?" By the time they get to the end of the name, I will have posted a NEW rambling blog, and they will just get confused. I didn't name it that because I know that exact situation will play out if I did. That's just the way the world works.
I read all these blogs written by these smart, beautiful women who write about cooking amazing dishes, cleaning, applying makeup like a movie star....yadda yadda. I've finally started to master rice on the stove, I have to call my mother every trip I make to the grocery store to ask where something is, and even on my best day I still poke myself in the eye with my mascara. I'm far from perfect. Like light years away. I'm a single mom trying to make ends meet and give my daughter the best she deserves. I figure "Past Imperfect" fits. It's also the name of a book I read for about 30 pages until something new caught my eye. It gets great reviews on Amazon, so check it out, I know I (eventually) will.
So going back to my list, I've got it, and I will keep adding to it, and hopefully cover a variety of topics to interest everybody. I also promise to try and keep the F bombs to a minimum, but lets face it, sometimes the story just isn't the same without one. I'm not looking to embarrass any of my friends/family, so I promise to try and get permission, and if they don't give it to me I will change names, dates and locations. (Kidding, mostly. I will keep all your feelings in mind.)
How long are blogs? I'm not trying to write a novel. I mean, character development, and plot twists are beyond me. I'm just trying to brighten some peoples' days and get a few chuckles, hopefully that happens or I will just feel like an utter failure, and have to eat like a gallon of Americone Dream ice cream. So basically, if you like what you've read, keep coming back (please!) and send all your friends over too. I welcome comments, praise, criticism (of the constructive kind) and will never say no to gifts, gummy bears or marriage proposals.
Ciao for now!
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